You’ve had the initial conversation. Your team member has shared that they’re autistic, have ADHD, or are dyslexic. Or perhaps you’ve simply noticed they work differently and want to understand them better. Now what?
The difference between managers who unlock exceptional performance and those who inadvertently suppress it often comes down to one thing: they know how to have ongoing, practical conversations about strengths and working styles.
This isn’t about one awkward chat and then never mentioning it again. It’s about building a working relationship based on genuine understanding of how someone’s brain works—and then leveraging that knowledge to help them excel.
Moving Beyond the Diagnosis
Here’s a mistake many well-meaning managers make: someone discloses they’re dyslexic, and the manager immediately thinks “spelling difficulties, needs extra time reading.” Or they hear ADHD and think “easily distracted, needs reminders about deadlines.”
These stereotypes aren’t completely wrong, but they’re dangerously incomplete.
That dyslexic team member might struggle with dense text but have extraordinary spatial reasoning that makes them brilliant at understanding complex system architectures. The person with ADHD might lose focus in boring meetings but achieve remarkable hyperfocus on genuinely engaging problems, producing in two hours what takes others two days.
Your first job is to get curious about the actual person, not the textbook definition of their neurology.
The Strengths Discovery Conversation
Schedule a relaxed conversation—maybe over coffee, maybe during a walk, wherever they feel comfortable—and approach it as genuine discovery.
Start here:
“I’d love to understand more about how you work best. What are you naturally good at that maybe doesn’t always show up in your job description?”
This question bypasses the deficit framing entirely. You’re not asking about struggles or accommodations. You’re asking about excellence.
Listen for specifics:
– “I can hold complex systems in my head and see how all the pieces interact”
– “I notice inconsistencies in data that others miss”
– “I can generate twenty creative solutions to a problem quickly”
– “I remember conversations and details from months ago”
– “I can work on repetitive tasks without getting bored”
These aren’t vague soft skills. These are valuable, specific capabilities that you can actively deploy.
Understanding Energy and Depletion
Neurodiverse people often have spiky performance profiles. They’re exceptional in certain conditions, but can be significantly challenged in others. Understanding this isn’t about lowering expectations—it’s about strategic deployment.
Ask about energy:
“What activities or situations leave you energised versus completely drained?”
You might discover that your team member can facilitate a three-hour workshop on a technical topic without breaking stride, but a thirty-minute networking event leaves them unable to work for the rest of the day. Or that they can hyper-focus on coding for six hours straight but find fifteen-minute check-in meetings utterly exhausting.
This information is gold. It tells you how to structure their work for maximum output.
Follow up with:
“When you’re drained, what helps you recover?”
“How much recovery time do you typically need?”
Some people need twenty minutes of complete silence. Others need to move physically. Some need to work on a completely different type of task. Build this understanding into how you manage workload and schedule.
Identifying Environmental Needs
The physical and social environment has an outsized impact on neurodiverse performance. What seems like minor background annoyance to you might be completely overwhelming to them—or vice versa.
Explore sensory preferences:
“What physical environment helps you do your best thinking?”
Don’t just ask about noise. Ask about lighting, temperature, visual clutter, proximity to others, whether they prefer enclosed or open space. Ask about whether they need to move while thinking or need to be completely still.
One team member might need multiple monitors in a quiet corner with warm lighting. Another might think best in a busy coffee shop with headphones on. Another might need to pace while on calls. None of these preferences is more valid than another—they’re just different.
Ask about interruptions:
“How do you prefer to handle interruptions during focused work?”
Some people can context-switch easily. Others need uninterrupted blocks to build deep focus, and a single interruption can cost them thirty minutes of productivity. Structure their work accordingly—maybe they have focus blocks with Slack notifications off, or specific hours when they’re available for questions.
Mapping Communication Preferences
Neurodiverse people often have strong preferences about how they receive and process information. Honouring these preferences dramatically improves both comprehension and performance.
Dig into detail:
“When I need to explain something complex to you, how can I do that most effectively?”
Some people need visual diagrams. Others need written documentation they can review multiple times. Some need to talk it through verbally. Many need time to process before responding.
Ask about feedback:
“How do you prefer to receive feedback—immediate or scheduled? In writing or conversation? With specific examples or general themes?”
Many neurodiverse people strongly prefer direct, specific feedback. They find hints and implications confusing or anxiety-inducing. Others need time to process feedback privately before discussing it. Understanding this prevents miscommunication that masquerades as performance issues.
Explore meeting dynamics:
“In team meetings, what would help you contribute your best thinking?”
You might learn that someone needs questions sent in advance to prepare thoughtful responses. Or that they process better when they can contribute in writing during the meeting. Or that they need explicit permission to interrupt, because they won’t jump into fast-moving conversation naturally.
Understanding Task Initiation and Completion
Many neurodiverse people have challenges with task initiation (getting started) or task completion (finishing the last 10%) that have nothing to do with capability or motivation.
Ask exploratively:
“Are there types of tasks you find particularly hard to start, even when you know you can do them well?”
Someone might struggle to begin open-ended tasks without clear parameters but excel once they have specific boundaries. Another might find it hard to start tasks that seem boring but can engage deeply once they find an interesting angle.
Regarding completion:
“Do you find some tasks difficult to finish even when they’re nearly done?”
The person who’s brilliant at generating ideas might struggle with documentation. The detail-oriented person who produces meticulous work might get stuck perfecting when “good enough” would suffice.
Once you understand these patterns, you can structure work differently—pairing people on projects so each handles the phases they’re strongest in, or building in specific checkpoints and accountability.
Talking About Challenges Constructively
You’ll eventually need to address difficulties. But the conversation should still be collaborative and curious, not corrective.
Frame it as problem-solving:
“I’ve noticed [specific observation]. Help me understand what’s happening from your perspective.”
Maybe deadlines are being missed. Instead of assuming carelessness, explore whether the person struggles with time perception, gets paralysed by perfectionism, or didn’t understand the priority level. Then you can address the actual issue.
Maybe written communication is unclear. Before sending them to a business writing course, find out if they’re thinking faster than they type, if they’re providing context they assume others have, or if they’re trying to be polite in ways that obscure their meaning.
Ask:
“What would make this easier for you?”
“What support would help you succeed with this?”
Often, simple adjustments—clearer deadlines with milestone check-ins, templates for common communication types, permission to ask clarifying questions—resolve issues completely.
Leveraging Distinctive Strengths
Once you understand someone’s specific capabilities, actively create opportunities for them to use these strengths.
If someone has exceptional pattern recognition, involve them early in data analysis or quality assurance. If someone thinks systematically, have them design processes or document workflows. If someone generates creative solutions quickly, bring them into brainstorming sessions—but let them contribute in whatever way works for them.
Ask directly:
“Given what you’re naturally good at, where do you think you could add the most value to the team?”
People often have excellent insight into where they could contribute more effectively if given the chance. They might identify opportunities you haven’t considered.
Then make it happen:
“Let’s try that. What would you need from me to make that successful?”
This isn’t about creating special projects to keep someone busy. It’s about strategically deploying talent where it will have the most impact.
Building Psychological Safety
The most important outcome of these conversations is trust. Your team member needs to know they can be honest about what’s working and what isn’t without being seen as difficult or incapable.
Make it explicit:
“I want you to be able to tell me when something isn’t working for you, even if it seems like it should be fine. I can’t help adjust things if I don’t know.”
Then prove you mean it. When someone says “these daily stand-ups are really hard for me,” don’t dismiss it. Explore alternatives. When someone asks for something unusual, approach it with curiosity rather than skepticism.
Check in regularly:
“Is what we put in place still working for you?”
Needs change. Projects change. What worked brilliantly three months ago might not work now. Make these conversations routine, not exceptional.
The Manager’s Role
You’re not a therapist or a coach. You’re a manager whose job is to create conditions for excellent work.
For neurodiverse team members, this means understanding how their particular brain works, removing unnecessary barriers, and actively leveraging their distinctive strengths.
The conversations that enable this aren’t complicated. They’re just direct, curious, and focused on the practical reality of how work gets done.
Have them regularly. Act on what you learn. Adjust as you go.
That’s not special treatment. That’s management done well.
When you make space for people to work in ways that align with how they actually think, you don’t just help them survive—you help them become the exceptional performers they’re capable of being.
And that benefits everyone.
